In an attempt to duplicate the feat of Orson Wells some seven decades ago, CBC xenophiliac Mark Kelly conned millions of soft green listeners into believing that an invasion of illegal aliens was about to sweep into south eastern British Columbia.

Rendered in the style of a radio news story with bulletins of UFO landings in the West Kootenays, reports had Mexicans and Central Americans pouring down ramps of flying saucers threatening to force Canadians to adapt to their language, values and customs. Just what the left-wing audience wanted to hear. Kelly, the consummate pro, had the politically correct CBC groupies completely duped.

As a result, environmentalists like the local Sierra Club who had been working to reduce per capita consumption suddenly became gleeful at the notion of total consumption increasing to wipe out all those gains. With the environment getting worse, they would have something to do, a raison d’etre.

Labour leaders became excited at the prospect of poor illegal immigrants displacing the jobs of low income Canadian workers and depressing the wages of those who managed to retain their jobs in the wake of the invasion. They’ll just grow the union by organizing those illegal immigrants, right? That’s the motive, more dues, isn’t it?

Clergymen were exuberant at the chance of being depicted as saints for harbouring and feeding illegals in their churches while there were still Canadian homeless hungry on the streets.

The Green Party was over the moon about how culturally enriched the invasion would make our country, even though the environment would take a big hit from the bigger footprint from all those extra people. Oh, I forgot, “it is not how many people there are, it is how they live”. So everybody strip down to your loin clothes and live like Ghandi to accommodate the invasion.

Most of all, Mark Kelly’s colleagues were exhilarated at the idea of once again focusing on the plight of an illegal immigrant rather than on the widely dispersed suffering of those who have lost their jobs. Making a human interest story out of poor Felippe hiding out in Nelson, B.C. makes for better copy than covering the unemployment rate in the region.

When it was learned that Kelly’s program was a hoax, panic set in among the CBC audience. Now it seemed that their perverse love of foreigners at the expense of their own countrymen would have to find another outlet. For the time being they would just have to reflexively criticize those who put Canadians first and scream about xenophobia.

Tim Murray
Quadra Island, B.C.